Kidz n Moms

Let's Play

Post by Samana:

I don’t know if you ever get caught up in taking life so seriously, but I sure can.  Whenever I get triggered by a comment someone says, a fear that arises in my heart, or feeling uncomfortable in a situation, I find I am taking things too seriously. Several spiritual teachings teach us to be like a child. Life is sweeter when we can enjoy it and not take things so seriously. 

A good way to do this is to be more playful. I love playing games, doing fun yoga poses with kids, and getting silly with my girlfriends. Kids are some of my greatest teachers. Who better to ask how to play than a child? They are the experts. Have you ever asked your child how to play or really watched your children playing? Just watching children or my cats play can make me feel better.

Kids love to help mom or dad so why not ask them to give you some tips on how to play. The more we can be playful each day, the less serious we will be and the less stressed.

Ask your kids what they want to play. Let your imaginations go wild. Think up some fun way to play with your girlfriends or partner. Swing on swings, dance around the house, make a play date with someone you love.

Start incorporating more play into your life and see how you feel. I bet you will start feeling more joy and less stress each day. Key is also to keep with this even when you are feeling stressed.  I find I can’t always laugh or get playful when I’m really upset, but I can usually smile which helps me relax. The more we can relax, the less stressed we are, and the healthier we become.

During the holidays, celebrate joy by being silly, going to parties, decorating cookies, caroling with friends, or whatever makes your heart sing. It’s a great time to open our hearts and feel more joy in our lives.

Turning Inward

Post by Samana:

I am always trying to stay in balance.  My name, Samana, a Sanskrit word, actually means balance.  A spiritual teacher gave me this name to remind me to cultivate balance in my life.

Today, I am sharing one of the best ways I’ve found to cultivate balance.  As a stepmom, wife and healing practitioner, I have a strong outward focus in caring for others. As a mom with many responsibilities, you may relate to this. Turning inward helps balance this.

What do I mean by turning inward?  I am talking about simple meditation and inner reflection.  Taking the focus off the outside world and drawing it within.  Meditation is bringing the attention from the outside world to what is going on within the mind. You become an alert observer of your thoughts and feelings.  The key is to distance yourself.  You observe as if you are watching someone else’s mind so you don’t get caught up in the drama.

Meditation is simply stepping back into the awareness that we are not our minds or thoughts.  We are the consciousness watching them. We don’t have to silence or erase the thoughts.  We can step back from them and be a neutral observer.

Going within is a great way to balance all the busyness of life. We all have such busy lives running here and running there trying to keep up with all of our responsibilities. What if we just STOPPED and took a few minutes to be quiet and observe what is going on in our heads?  This frees us from the hamster wheel of being perpetually busy.  It gives us a chance to see ourselves in a new light.

We can turn on the flashlight of awareness in our minds. When we do this, we aren’t stuck acting in habitual ways and can make more conscious choices with our energy.

This holiday season, give yourself the gift of balance by taking time to go within for at least five minutes a day. Just be quiet, close your eyes, and watch what is going on within your mind. You will feel clearer and more grounded everyday.

Prioritize some quiet time for YOU this season! You’ll be glad you did.

Changing Perspective

Post by Samana:

A spiritual teacher once told me a story about a powerful wealthy man who found something wrong everywhere he went.  He could be at a spectacular party with delicious food and wonderful guests in a beautiful setting and still find one item of food that wasn’t quite right or a guest who irritated him. One day, someone questioned him on this and asked him what would happen if everywhere he went he found something right about it.  He decided to try it and never want back to his old ways.

I am sharing this because it’s a great tool to use to work with negative patterns in our minds.  At birth, we are so innocent, light, and playful.  As we grow, we learn from our surroundings and take on different beliefs and thought patterns, often including negative ones. These may relate to feeling that we should do better, try harder, or that our spouse should act differently.  Truth is no one will please us or agree with us 100% of the time.  If they did, we would most likely be bored anyway.

Once we can see negative patterns in our minds, we can accept them and choose to shift them. Simply put, we can bring light into the darkness.

More recently, I was guided to notice when I’m getting too serious to become aware of my thoughts gently and playfully. When you can step back from the thought pattern, you are not enslaved by it.

Negative thoughts often have feelings of helplessness or fear behind them. When we see this, we can accept the feelings and move forward choosing how to focus our energy.

I am challenging myself to do this practice regularly.  When I start to hear myself complaining about what’s wrong with anything, I will notice my thoughts and choose to focus on what’s right with it.

I challenge you this week to focus on what’s right in your life. If you notice yourself complaining about something just notice it and change your perspective.

Have fun and let me know how it makes you feel.

 

Shifting the Focus

Post by Samana:

“ I promise to take better care of me. “ This is something I remind myself of often.  If you are a mom caring for a family or a woman who nurtures others, you can use this too. 

Falling into both categories, I find myself highly focused on caring for others and things outside of me. I focus on caring for my step kids, my cats, my home, my business and the list goes on. With caring for so many outside of me, it’s not a wonder self-care can be lacking at times. That’s why I adopted my mantra, “ I promise to take better care of me. “  Say it to yourself and see how it feels.

Caring for others can drain you, especially if you have small children needing more care and attention. It’s easy to get so caught up in caring for your kids, you forget to eat or don’t sleep enough. The healthiest moms I know schedule time for themselves. They prioritize going to an exercise class or getting their nails done so they remember  to care for themselves.

My self-nurturance involves daily yoga and meditation done each morning, swimming a few days per week and receiving bodywork at least once per month. Daily, I reconnect with my body by pausing to take a deep breath, going outside to walk and get fresh air and eating nourishing foods.

Kids learn by example. If they see you caring for yourself and keeping yourself healthy and happy, they will learn this early. It will help them to grow into independent and healthy adults. You best serve your kids when you remember to serve yourself too.

So remember, “ I promise to take better care of me. “

Giving Thanks

Post by Samana:

"If the only prayer you say in your life is "thank you," that would suffice."

--Meister Eckhart

This is one of my favorite quotes. I am a huge proponent of expressing gratitude each day. Life is such a precious gift how could we not be thankful. Sometimes we can get rushed and stressed and forget to be grateful. It’s a wonderful practice to bring us into the present and to fill us with greater peace and joy.

Today, let’s focus on gratitude for our bodies.  So often we spend more time complaining about our bodies. We complain about feeling pain or getting older and stiffer. We complain that we are too fat or too short. Instead, let’s give thanks today for the amazing vessels our bodies are.

Our bodies are complex systems of interconnected parts all working in harmony. The better care and attention we give to our bodies, the better they perform.  Self-nurturance is key to keeping our bodies healthy and strong.

I consider it a gift that my body talks to me. It lets me know if I am overusing a part by giving me pain to draw my awareness to it. This happened with my back when I was not being aware enough of my sitting postures. By listening, changing my postures, doing some simple stretching and working with my energy, my back healed well.

Our bodies also slow us down if we are doing too much or moving too fast. We may get injured or get sick. The body is letting us know it can’t keep up at the pace we are going.

What a gift it is to be able to walk, jog or swim, to be able to feel the softness of a kitten’s fur, to hear the sound of a bubbling brook, to taste a chocolate truffle. Our bodies take us where we want to go each day and allow us to experience life through our senses.

Each breath is truly the gift of life. Let’s pause and give thanks for our bodies. Each one is unique with special characteristics and talents. In celebrating today, let’s celebrate our bodies and remember to care for them each day.

Readers, thank you for spending your time with me. I am honored to share from my heart each week with you.

Communicating with our Kids

Post by Samana:

At a recent parents meeting, I listened as parents discussed some of their favorite tools to communicate with their children. Being a stepmom for just two years now, I was eager to learn any tips from folks doing this for years.

Two of the suggestions sounded the most useful to me. The first is, “Convince me.” As anyone who has a child knows, kids find a lot of things they want each day. We can’t give them all they ask for,  yet want to still respond to them in positive ways.

“Convince me“ works like this.  When your child asks for something, simply say, “ If you really want it, convince me.”  The mom who brought this up said often her child realizes she doesn’t really want it herself. She can’t even convince herself she wants it.  It’s great for a child to learn early that we don’t have to have everything that attracts us.

If the child is truly convincing, you can see how important it is to them and tell them you can save for this item together. Children can start to see the value of money and how things are obtained.

“Convince me” is also great to ask yourself when you want something to see if you really want or need it, or if it just attracts you.

The second suggestion is “ Never the less.” A mom said when she tells her son he NEEDS to do something, he tells her he only NEEDS to breathe and eat.  By saying, “ Never the less, this needs to be done and I want you to do it,” the child is given responsibility without being commanded what to do. As we all know, whenever someone tries to control us, we resist.

Words are very powerful. Using them wisely with our kids can improve communications and help things flow more easily each day.

Remember to take a breath before you speak to your children and you will be in a better place to ask or respond to them.

Politics

Post by Samana:

I have been inspired by the recent elections to write this blog on politics.  It has nothing to do with Democrats and Republicans. It relates to your mind.

I looked up some definitions of the word, politics, and this one stood out: The often internally conflicting interrelationships among people in a society. At least in my mind, there are always conflicting voices of right and wrong, good and bad, which leave me confused and stressed. Our minds are so filled with conditioned beliefs from our parents, our teachers and society; it’s hard to know what’s true.

I can hear a “ political” debate in my head deciding what kind of crackers to buy in the grocery store. “ Should I buy gluten free, whole grain, rice crackers, nut crackers or plain saltines? What’s better for me and what do I like? What will the kids eat that’s good for them?” As a stepmom trying to feed my kids healthy foods, it can be even more confusing.

So how do we deal with all the conflicting voices in our heads? Lately, I just say, “ Enough” to my thoughts, pick a box of crackers that appeals to me in the moment, and deem it right. After all, what is considered healthy today may be found to be bad for us tomorrow.

In any spiritual practice, the greatest peace and joy comes from living in the present and responding in the moment. To deal with the politics of the mind and still find peace; we can look beyond the thoughts and respond in the moment. 

Accepting that our minds are filled with a lot of stuff and will no doubt have conflicting thoughts, we can free ourselves from the trap. The awareness can help us realize we can breathe, respond in the moment and get out of the confusion of the mind.

Next time you hear a political debate going on in your mind, I challenge you to opt out, take a breath and ask yourself what you want in the moment. It will most likely be what’s most true for you.

Would You Please?

Post by Samana: 

Why is it so hard to ask for help?  For me, asking for help is challenging.  I often wait until I’m sick, injured or completely exhausted before asking for help. I have learned that this doesn’t work too well and wears my body down over time. I like being healthy and feeling good, so I’m changing my ways.

Because I like to feel independent and strong, believing I can do it all myself, I have failed to ask for help in the past. I would rather have less stress, feel better and enjoy my days, so I’m adopting the phrase, “ Would you please?”  The trick is to just ask without having to give reasons or seem needy. Just ask it cleanly and wait for a response.

My life coach has recommended I first ask, “ Can I make a request? or “ Can I ask you something?” before asking for what I want. This assures whomever I’m asking is receptive at the time. I’m working with this with my husband right now. With my step kids, I often will go straight into the “ Would you please” as otherwise I may not get their full attention. 

As a mom, you have a family to recruit help from so start making requests. When we don’t try to do it all ourselves, we have more time to take care of ourselves and enjoy doing what we want. We can be less rushed, less stressed and relax more each day.

Ask yourself if you have any trouble asking for help. If you do, acknowledge it and start slowly by making some simple requests to those you are close to, like your husband, kids or friends.

I feel my family runs better when I make clean requests and am able to simply receive with gratitude. 

So here goes, “ Would you please do this today with someone in your family?” Let me know how it works for you. 

Relax and Enjoy

Post by Samana:

We have a plaque in our living room, “ Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often.”  It reminds me to relax, breathe and enjoy myself.  My tendency is to rush, planning my next activity without fully experiencing what I’m doing right now. I miss out so much on life when I do this.

I get worried that there isn’t enough time to do all I want to do. When I’m rushing, I don’t do things as well. I certainly don’t enjoy them as much. Taking a deep breath slows me down and centers me.

As a busy mom, you may relate to feeling that there is never enough time to do all you need to do. Truth is, you may not need to do all you think you do each day.  You can choose what you do, set boundaries and prioritize time for yourself. If your kids see you caring for yourself, they will learn to care for themselves. This is good for kids to learn early. It will serve them well to be empowered and to stay healthy.

Is any activity worth it if it stresses you and affects your health and happiness?  Perhaps telling your kids they can only have one afterschool activity and that you would like their help around the house would allow you to relax more and enjoy your day. 

If you are always rushing and feeling pressured, you are in a constant state of stress, which will wear down your body over time. Don’t wait for your next vacation to slow down and relax, start today. Start with asking for more help from your kids or your spouse.  YOU are worth it and don’t have to wait till you’re sick or run down to ask for help.

If you’ve been rushing through reading this, take note, you may be experiencing just what I’m talking about. BREATHE. Allow yourself to slow down.

Think of one way you can slow down and savor your life more. Do it today. Remember, YOU are worth it.  Invite more joy and laughter into each day. Your whole family will benefit from it.

Making Friends with Food

Post by Samana:

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”

Virginia Woolf

I loved Beth’s post last week reminding us to make friends with food. After all, food is our fuel. It builds our bodies and gives us energy to do all we want to do. As moms, we stress the importance of food by trying to get our kids to eat regularly and to nourish them well.

It’s sad that food can often be a source of guilt for so many of us. Instead of savoring the experience of eating a cupcake and allowing it, we can feel guilty about it. I agree moderation is key to enjoying the foods we love and staying healthy, but guilt will only make us sick. How can our bodies fully allow something, if our minds don’t? The more we allow ourselves to eat our food with true joy and gratitude, the better we digest it.

Simple practices like taking a few deep breaths before we prepare to cook helps us to be fully present as we create the foods our families will eat.  As well, giving thanks before each meal can help slow us down to appreciate fully the gift our food is. Chewing our food thoroughly helps us to digest it well.  I try to chew my food twenty to thirty times. Not talking excessively during eating helps slow us down so we can savor our experience of eating.

Explore eating a few meals per week in silence without talking or reading. This is easiest when you eat alone, but you can invite your family to have one silent dinner a week if you like. Eating in silence helps us to totally experience our food. 

Let food be your friend. Enjoy it and share it with those your love.