Be A Coach

Post by Samana:

In the last blog, I introduced the idea of being a coach for your children as they learn to socialize.  Now let’s discuss how you can coach your children to understand and work with their emotions.

In “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,” John Gottman, Ph.D, states, “Good parenting begins in your heart, and then continues on a moment to moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry or scared.  The heart of parenting is being there in a particular way when it really counts.”  He describes a process called, “emotion coaching” you can do with your children.

As an adult, I can find dealing with emotions and expressing them challenging. If we can teach our children how to better accept and express all their emotions, they’ll grow up healthier in mind and body. I don’t know about you, but when I was a child, expressing emotions wasn’t widely accepted. Even now, we don’t want our children to make a scene or misbehave.  Instead of just disciplining them and making them feel wrong, we can empathize with them and help them work with strong emotions.

Some parents give guidance to their children about emotions and some don’t. Those that are willing to get involved with their children’s emotions are “Emotion Coaches.” They teach their kids strategies to deal with life’s ups and downs.  If you are doing this already, you’re building a closer relationship with your children and teaching them important life lessons.  If you haven’t felt comfortable doing this, read on for more strategies on how to become an “Emotion Coach.”

Gottman describes five steps in the process of coaching:

1. Become aware of the child’s emotion.
2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings.
4. Help the child find words to label the emotion she is having.
5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.

Studies have shown that children who have parents who practice ”Emotion Coaching,” do better in school, behave and get along with others better, and are less prone to violent behavior. They are more emotionally resilient, healthy, and intelligent.

You still discipline your children in this approach, while at the same time forming a deeper emotional bond with them.  Your children learn to value your words and care about what you think and feel. You allow your children’s negative emotions and offer guidance.

The key is empathetic listening, responsiveness and open communication with your children about their emotions. You can teach your children values and allow them to feel respected and heard.

Next week, there will be a special blog to introduce Kidz N Moms new website which will launch on May 10th. I would love if you would take some time to explore the new site and share it with others.