The Intense Child

Post by Samana:

This week’s blog is about dealing with your intense child.  It’s about seeing the gifts in this intensity and not trying to squelch it out. Intense people, whether adult or children, can be unsettling and even scary at times. They generally have more passion, enthusiasm and energy. They are or may become a charismatic leader, an amazing performer, or a team motivator.

If you have an intense child, you can help them learn to channel this gift and to redirect it. With some focus, the intensity can lead to strong character and passionate creativity. The challenge is when your child is having a meltdown, getting behavior reprimands at school, and not listening to you.

To deal with this, learn to understand when your child is going into a red zone.  In the red zone, the body goes into adrenaline mode with a tense arousal. The person is unable to listen to others words or keep eye contact and wants to pull away. They are in emotional overwhelm. In the green zone, the body is calm, the mind is peaceful and the heart is beating slowly. If you can become aware of when your child is going into the red zone, you can help them to stay in the green zone and deflect a meltdown.

Each child is different. Some get louder. Some start moving jerkily. Some get bossy. Start to notice the pattern in your own child. Once you tune into this, you can start to teach your child how to be aware of it and name emotions in a positive way.  You can teach your child to notice when they are getting frustrated and pacing around or getting angry and raising their voice. This can be done when your child is not in the red zone. The feelings aren’t so scary or overwhelming if kids can see them and talk about them.

Here are some tools to help keep your child out of the red zone:

• Make sure they get restful sleep
• Use warm baths to calm their energy
• Build on their imagination playing games of dress up and let their dramatic side flow
• Give them sensory activities like play doh or build a small sensory table
• Let them get physical exercise regularly whether it is a karate class or dance breaks you build into your day with them.
• Let them cuddle with you and read together.
• Create a silly ritual that breaks the tension like a meltdown dance.
• Use the time-out not as a punishment, but rather as a way to regroup and to refresh like when the coach calls a time-out for the basketball team.

With your loving guidance, your intense child can have access to a depth and delight of emotion. They can shine and you can relax and enjoy them.